So today is Mother’s Day. This is probably the first Mother’s Day I won’t have actually spent with my mum. Don’t panic, or begin to feel sorry for me, I am extremely lucky that she is (despite a multitude of health problems) still here. I know there are plenty of people out there that find today almost too difficult to bear because they aren’t so fortunate.
I can already hear you saying “and the point of this merry tale is…?”, well my mum and I, like a lot of mother/daughter relationships is quite complicated. We get on brilliantly most of the time and she is probably one of the only people to know the real me, but I have always had a personal struggle with letting people be affectionate with me. I am NOT a huggy, lovey-dovey person (unless it’s a partner or my children, in which case I more than make up for it). I know that growing up, my mum has often felt as though I don’t love her and would rather be around anyone but her (I’m pretty sure my dad and other family members have felt like it at some point too!). I don’t know where this aversion to affection began, and I sincerely wish I wasn’t that way, but I really do struggle to show people that matter that I love them.
This is why I decided to write this post for her today. I am hoping that by writing it down, she will understand just how much of an inspiration she has been to me all my life. Whether it was making sure my Christmases were the most magical a child could have on a pretty tight budget, or my daily ‘Mad 1/2 hour’ listening to Rat In Me Kitchen by UB40 whilst I tidied up my toys before dinner and got my last bit of excess energy out of me ready for the bedtime wind-down; my mum has always been there. Yes, there have been struggles (I’d be very surprised if there were a family out there that hasn’t encountered a struggle of some sort throughout their lives!), but ultimately, my mum has always been there.
I remember one particular instance where my mum was applying her mascara in the bathroom mirror, I must have only been about 6 or 7 years old. I remember asking her why she was putting it on her face, she replied “so that mummy looks nicer”, I remember telling her that she was the most beautiful lady I knew and that she didn’t need to put that black stuff on her eyes. I don’t know if she remembers that incident, but I do, because it was true. To me, my mum was perfect. Looking through adult eyes, I now know that my mum was as insecure (if not more so) about the way she looked as a mum as I am today.
I guess the point of my post today is that, mum, I love you. You are the strongest, most independent person I know, who is able to continually pick herself up and rebuild her life, even when it might seem hopeless. And whilst I may joke that I’m turning into you, I really don’t think that’s such a bad thing.
Happy Mother’s Day mum x