I’ve always prided myself on being able to give good advice to others. I seem to be able to look at someone else’s life, listen to what they tell me and to come up with a relatively good solution. I am worse than useless, however, at following my own advice.
Those that are closest to me already know how much of a battle I have with myself daily over my body confidence. I am borderline paranoid about my weight and have been for as long as I can remember. Thanks to the lovely hormones that course through my body, the paranoia can fluctuate between total self-loathing and feeling physically sick at the sight of myself, to not really giving a rats backside about it.
I am truly tired of feeling this way but that got me thinking (I really should stop this ‘thinking’ business!), how on earth do I genuinely get rid of the inner demons that- most of the time- plague my existence?
At the risk of inadvertently getting myself committed, I’ll share some of the things my demons like to say to me…
- (When my husband left…) “Well it’s hardly surprising he didn’t want you anymore is it? Look at the state of yourself, you’re disgusting!”
- (When glancing in the mirror…) “Urgh…just urgh…”
- (When pushing the pushchair up a steep hill…) “GET UP THAT HILL YOU LAZY PIECE OF s@*^!”
I could go on and on (this is the part where I ought to ask whether other people hear these ‘voices’ in their heads or am I just a little too close to needing professional intervention?!). Some might tell me to ignore the voices, or might ask why I listen to them; it’s not a case of simply being able to ignore them- that would be asking someone to ignore a real person shouting at them almost constantly.
The simple answer to getting rid of them successfully? I don’t know. I am trying to be and STAY positive, but sometimes, it’s like wading through clay. So I’m asking you guys: Do you have any inner demons? If so, how do you deal with them? How are you able to look in the mirror and be happy with what you see?