Beating The Inner Demons

I’ve always prided myself on being able to give good advice to others. I seem to be able to look at someone else’s life, listen to what they tell me and to come up with a relatively good solution. I am worse than useless, however, at following my own advice.

Those that are closest to me already know how much of a battle I have with myself daily over my body confidence. I am borderline paranoid about my weight and have been for as long as I can remember. Thanks to the lovely hormones that course through my body, the paranoia can fluctuate between total self-loathing and feeling physically sick at the sight of myself, to not really giving a rats backside about it.

I am truly tired of feeling this way but that got me thinking (I really should stop this ‘thinking’ business!), how on earth do I genuinely get rid of the inner demons that- most of the time- plague my existence?

At the risk of inadvertently getting myself committed, I’ll share some of the things my demons like to say to me…

  • (When my husband left…) “Well it’s hardly surprising he didn’t want you anymore is it? Look at the state of yourself, you’re disgusting!”
  • (When glancing in the mirror…) “Urgh…just urgh…”
  • (When pushing the pushchair up a steep hill…) “GET UP THAT HILL YOU LAZY PIECE OF s@*^!”

I could go on and on (this is the part where I ought to ask whether other people hear these ‘voices’ in their heads or am I just a little too close to needing professional intervention?!). Some might tell me to ignore the voices, or might ask why I listen to them; it’s not a case of simply being able to ignore them- that would be asking someone to ignore a real person shouting at them almost constantly.

The simple answer to getting rid of them successfully? I don’t know. I am trying to be and STAY positive, but sometimes, it’s like wading through clay. So I’m asking you guys: Do you have any inner demons? If so, how do you deal with them? How are you able to look in the mirror and be happy with what you see?

6 thoughts on “Beating The Inner Demons

  1. Rachel C

    The one thing I can tell you is that you are a beautiful lady, both inside and out. You not long ago had a baby – give yourself a break!! I know that is easier said than done though – I hate the way I look, but then pretend I don’t care when it is at the point of taking over sometimes!! x

    1. Laura Post author

      Thanks hun. It’s been pretty much my whole life. I know I’ll get there one day, I am just interested in how other people deal with their demons to see if I’m missing something lol x

  2. Kim

    Obviously I will be accused as prejudiced, but you are beautiful.

    Our inner voices are the cruellest of all, they rarely let up, yet amongst those determined to undermine any self confidence we may possess there is a small one battling to be heard.

    This is the one who reminds us of all we have achieved and continue to aim for. You have your independence for the first time in your life, ( I was 45 when I got mine!) two beautiful girls and are embarking on several new forays into the world of business ventures.

    You are juggling being a single mum of a challenging four year old, whilst ensuring you spend the same ‘quality time’ with Esmé that you were able to lavish on her big sister.

    It isn’t surprising then that you find yourself at the mercy of the little monsters intent on undermining your self confidence.

    I wish I could tell you they disappear, but from my experience they only lay dormant for a while. Mine are back with a vengeance, so in one respect I feel hypocritical posting this. However, you only have to look at how badly I’ve handled mine to learn the lessons of what not to do!!

    You are a beautiful, intelligent, unique human being. There will never be another like you.

    Just give yourself a break and tell the little beggars to beggar off!

  3. Julie A

    Oh Laura,

    Firstly can I say that from the day I first met you in the canteen at uni I thought you were an incredibly beautiful girl, and yes to me you were that young hehe!

    Listening to your sad words I can only echo that I feel the same about myself and always have. I strive to love myself more and on the odd day I achieve it, until I walk past a mirror or shop window and see a stranger looking back at me.

    I have always had a weird relationship with my appearance and I do, when getting ready think I look nice, occasionally, just to see photo’s of that evening or event and see a person who looks nothing like who I see in the mirror.

    Other times I see a stranger and at worst a ‘monster’ which at times has developed into what I now know was mild psychosis when I was in trauma after the break up of my second marriage.

    I can only say that this is getting worse as I am now showing signs of ageing and have gained lots of weight. I have Fibromyalgia and cannot exercise as much as I would hope so feel lazy and annoyed with myself constantly.

    I do not know the answer but I hope I find it soon, I think that blogging and having comments left by like minded compassionate people helps as you realise it is not just you and maybe you may start to see yourself through the eyes of others.

    Someone once said to me that if we could ever see ourselves through the eyes of our little ones we would realise that we are perfect, because to them we are.

    Loads of love gorgeous lady, read my Letter to my younger self; and listen to what I say because I am fifteen years down the road from you and we tread a similar path sweetheart. Give yourself a break, try to love yourself a little more each day and celebrate the fact that many people think you are awesome!!!!!! x

    1. Laura Post author

      Awww thank you so much Julie. Your comments really mean a lot. I’ve always thought what a confident, happy person you seem! How easy it is to live a lie eh! I shall definitely have a read hun, thank you xx

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